Newbie

Oh Lisa that sucks big time. But three cheers for your daughter.You have done a good job in raising her. As sad as it must have made you not to go, it had to make you proud of your daughter for standing up for you. Keep up the good work. Rose

Thanks Rose!

Yes I have many blessings in my life,and my daughter is one of the huge ones!

I am very proud of her, and yes she said a mouth full when she emailed them back..
I would have liked to have seen my sister pick her jaw up off the ground after reading that one...LOL
Lisa

Welcome, Beverly and Kim!

Thanks for the welcome Cindi,but I am not new here I have been here for quite a while... I know it's hard to keep up on whos new and who is not with all the additions...

I found this board in 2004 and it has been a great source of support for me as well.

I was also baptized at 18 because it was expected of me and I had no support outside the org. but the whole time I was there it never felt completely right to me,so well into my twenties I realized that I had other options,and it was time to listen to my heart...despite the Org. telling us the heart is treacherous.

Lisa

Welcome Beverly, Kim, Krissy & Lisa.

How could you, Cindi!

HEY WITH SO MANY PEOPLE POSTING YOUR BOUND TO GET THEM MIXED UP.ITS NO BIG DEAL CINDY. AND WELCOME TO THE BOARD. LOL ITS OLD WHATS HER NAME........YOU GUESSED IT ROSE.

Thanks for the welcome Cindi,but I am not new here I have been here for quite a while... I know it's hard to keep up on whos new and who is not with all the additions...

Lisa

I am sorry Lisa, I was just reading everyone's posts and saw how many you have already. I was about to tell you about my confusion when I saw you had already replied. I think I got confused by your photo. Like you said it is hard to keep up with so many newbies at the board. Shame on me, I know.

Thanks for the welcome Cindi,but I am not new here I have been here for quite a while... I know it's hard to keep up on whos new and who is not with all the additions...

Lisa

I am sorry Lisa, I was just reading everyone's posts and saw how many you have already. I was about to tell you about my confusion when I saw you had already replied. I think I got confused by your photo. Like you said it is hard to keep up with so many newbies at the board. Shame on me, I know.

No worries Cindy,it's all GOOD!

Lisa

Hello to everyone - I've enjoyed going through the posts on this thread and some of the others. I had occasionally read some random posts in the past, but I purposely tried to keep away because I didn't want to stay "stuck in the past." However, I recently joined a meetup group in my area and am really looking forward to meeting people that have had similar life experiences. I have been encouraged by others who can't possibly understand (tho they try!) what affect these experiences have had on my life. It's been 4 years since I was disassociated.

I tried so hard for so long to make that religion "my own." My parents converted from the Catholic church when I was 5, so it's all I had ever known. I was always so discouraged that I couldn't seem to generate the level of commitment I knew I was supposed to have. Nevertheless, I was baptized at 12 and did my best. I was married for 25 years to a person who put god, the congregation and everyone else ahead of me (oh, and the financial devastation of him day trading and drinking didn't help much). But, how dare I question an ELDER who knows everything and treated me like I was stupid. Me bitter? No! (LOL!!)

I thought I had faded well enough since I had been "inactive" for 20 years and had rarely attended meetings at the end. But, I divorced my "elder" husband and he said he would be "vindicated" and they "disassociated" me without even calling me. I confronted them and asked why they didn't even allow me the courtesy of a meeting. They said they made a "merciful" decision and they had to do something because I since they still considered me a member because I had a "card on file". Well! I wanted to know where my "membership benefits" were during the 35 years I was there. When I stopped going, no one cared. They would "ask my husband" if I was okay, but never me. I was appalled at the deviation from their own rule book, but glad I stood up for myself and spoke my peace. I told them they were nothing but a boys club who sought to elevate themselves by putting other people down and had never given a flying leap about my spirituality or my relationship with God -- (well, I was really mad at the time!!) I always felt like a hypocrite when I was a part of that organization, but not since I've left.

Sometimes I felt convinced my heart would break into a million pieces over the loss of lifetime friends and believing I would never really have a life. I'm happy to say I couldn't have been more wrong! I finally HAVE a life. I live in the present. I'm not miserable because of feeling like I can never measure up to some group's arbitrary requirements. I feel respect for those who choose to stay for whatever reasons as I respect myself and others who have chosen to leave. (How dare we think for ourselves or question anything?) I have people in my life now that love me for who I really am - not for something they think I am or expect me to be.

Certain situations can be a challenge. My father recently had a heart attack and had to have surgery. I traveled to Florida and sat on the other side of the waiting room from my mother and other relatives. I have heard my mother tell people "I have no children" (my older brother died from acute alcoholism at age 47 and my younger brother is gay and therefore DF). But, alas - I survived! I'm glad I went, I know my parents appreciated it and I know I did the right thing and that's what matters most to me.

I've made a decision to continue to believe in God. I can't prove he exists, but I can't prove he doesn't and sometimes it helps to pray even if all it really ends of being is a form of meditation and helping me to focus. I think that's what people do anyway - they choose what they want to believe and look for evidence to support that belief.

I have something I've never had my whole life - authenticity (I'll always be a work in progress). I can be honest with myself - and others (if they want to know). I may not bring it up in conversation, but if it comes up, I call a spade a spade. I want to follow the golden rule and have peace in my life. If the way I live my life bothers other people, that's their problem. It's none of my business what they think of me! You do have to be mentally prepared to handle the reactions of other people. You have to find a way to keep your own center and not feel judged by other people's opinions. I personally see my own family who are still JW to be very negative, narrow minded and unforgiving. That is not the kind of person I want to be. If I spend a lot of time criticizing them, though -- then I'm the same.

I don't want to label myself as an "ex" anything (wife, daughter, JW). I prefer to identify myself as what I am now, not what I was. I don't want to live in the past. Appreciation for all the things I learned (not everything was terrible) and for the public speaking skills (it helped with my career) and for all the people I've known over the years only helps me see people in a more accepting way (I hope).

I was only going to post a short note. It just came pouring out. Sorry, but I'm leaving it. Greetings to all of you and thanks for hearing me out.

Kate